In spite of the reason for me being here, these last few months have been really really awesome. Growing up, I never had the chance to spend this much time with her—just 24/7: sharing bathroom, kitchen, laundry, chores, cat frustration, cat love and all the rotting food. Language barriers be damned, there are just lots of little moments that we've had, no words needed. I won't forget whenever she grinned sheepishly at buying too much food, laughed hysterically when the cat did something stupid, or got mad at me for refusing to eat six whole meals a day (we settled somewhere around 4.5).
I'm always gonna remember those moments.
But, it's not a long-term solution for me to stay with her. I think she realizes that just as much as I do. Family is everything, and we're always trying to do right by one another. I think, for both of us, we need to show we can live on our own.
That knowledge didn't make it any easier when she stood in my doorway—having just heard that I'm moving out—and was just speechless. Behind the glint of her glasses were some parts understanding and more parts sadness. But she didn't say a word. We were past that. She just sighed, the short hiccupy kind from too much crying, and shuffled off.
Ahhhhhhhhh.
That was a long night for me.
I thought that maybe I was really wrong. Really wrong. Maybe I didn't know anything about her, had projected my own goals onto her. Maybe she wasn't ready. Maybe I was destroying all the confidence she had been rebuilding.
But that night did end, and when I woke up, I knew she was going to be alright. And I think she knew, too.
The thing is, you never know what's going to happen, but that doesn't mean you should be afraid of change or growth. Accept that good and bad outcomes may arise. You'll be there to meet them.
Sorry, no October Story #2 from me. Just real life stuff. Stay tuned for a busy November though!
-----jeremy
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